Month 26

Since June, I've been going through... Yes! Another flare!! I guess I had spoken too soon again, haha. This has to be my second year anniversary flare. I've been hit pretty hard with almost a full body flare and I'm still recovering from it after three months. All of my worst areas are on the same exact spot from each year. So darn stubborn! My legs were so clear and soft for months and my feet were healing really nicely, and then bam! I get these really nasty raw and oozy rashes on my calf and feet that I got two years ago and the year before, accompanied with some more rashy, flaky, and oozy skin all over. Luckily though, my face and neck stayed completely clear this time!!! My neck used to be such a disaster! My hands were also slowly healing, but then they got worse again, and my wrists now look like how they did last year. My arms, back, and stomach aren't so bad, just a bit rashy and dry.

The past few months I've been eating really clean. No processed foods, and I've also cut out gluten and dairy. Not really for my skin (and it doesn't really seem to make a difference), but for my overall health, since I know it's definitely not good to stay inside the house all day while eating cake and chips, haha. On and off now, I've been using tsw as an excuse to eat unhealthy. 

"I feel like shit right now, so I need to treat myself to something! Can't go out or do anything fun, so I might as well eat all the cookies in the house!"

Not to mention, ever since tsw, I'm slimmer than I have ever been, which also gives me another excuse. I've always carried some extra weight around my stomach and thighs, so I'd often have to exercise and be conscious of what I ate (I looked kinda chubby throughout most of middle school haha), but now that it's gone, it's hard not to feel like you can eat anything you want.

However, recently more than ever, I realized I needed to be eating healthier, not just to be skinny, but to stay young and healthy. I don't want to develop any health problems, so I've been really strict with myself about it. I also try to get in about 15 minutes of sunlight a day too. Im in the house most of the time, so I really need that sunlight.

 

I'll be turning 19 this month, and to be honest, I still haven't felt like I've turned 18 yet because I've done nothing these past two years. No school, no social life, no fun or any celebrations. Just dealing with the hell of tsw. Time is going by so fast, and the uncertainty of when it will all end really makes me anxious. I feel like I picked the worst time of my life to go through tsw. I don't want to be so pessimistic, but the truth is that I hate my life right now. Despite saying all this (I know all I do is complain) I have already decided that this is the decision I have made and I will stick with it until the very end. I know I can get through this. I will, and you will too!

Transitioning To a Normal Life

Hey guys, it's currently 8:30am and I haven't been able to sleep the whole night, so I thought I'd just make a little update! Lol

So here's what's up... I've been feeling amazing lately! I'm probably the best I've been since the whole withdrawal. My whole body has been healing very well, and my skin somehow survived the harsh New York winter! I've had some dry skin and rashes here and there, but it was definitely nothing to complain or be bothered about. Also, although I am still taking baths, I think it's soon about time I start taking showers (this gets me so excited because I've just been so dependant on baths!!)

My feet that were really bad are almost completely clear. I just have this one spot on my left foot that oozes a little if I scratch it too hard, but it hardly bothers me, so I can walk all I want! My arms get a little rash from time to time, but it usually clears up and hardly bothers me as long as I don't wear irritating clothes. My legs, which I have always had a problem with for so many years are actually clear, just some discoloration and a bit of dryness. If I give it some more time, my legs will actually just be normal smooth legs! It's unbelieveable considering how bad my legs used to be. I always thought I'd have to live with my rashy legs that would always get comments whenever I wore shorts. I sure can't wait for this summer! <3

My hands however, are my worst area right now. Just last month I had blisters all over them and they were just a painful,bloody, oozy mess, but for the past couple weeks, they have been healing nicely. I think it might possibly be due to all the different soaks I've been trying out everyday like ACV, tea tree oil, oregano oil, garlic, honey and probably a whole lot other stuff I just don't remember! Lol. It's really clearing up though, and I hope it doesn't flare again, at least not too badly.

Thing is, I've just been so desperate lately because I feel like I'm this close to having a normal life again, and I just want that to happen so I can finally start college. I haven't applied yet because I am still unsure if this Fall would be too soon. I'm just still not used to going out every single day and it's still too early to decide, especially since you never know when you might flare again or how bad it'll be. I don't want to be worrying about my skin so much everyday while attending school, so I definitely want to be in my best condition.That's why I've been trying to go outside whenever I can, and start making sure I go outside everyday to prepare myself. I don't really go out for very long (a couple hours or less). Going out too long makes me very nervous and fearful, probably because I'm so used to being in the comfort of my own home in case something happens to my skin. I know I have to toughen up though, because my house has just been like a crutch for me, and it's so hard to let go. 

I've never been so anxious and excited for the future (maybe that's why I can't sleep right now).I really feel like an end to these days are finally coming along. I had written a long list of all the things I wanted to do once I get better, but now that I'm finally better, there's just so many things to do that I don't know where to begin. I guess sometime soon I'll be going on that shopping trip! Ha! Lol ;) I need to throw out all these old smelly clothes!

If you're in a dark place right now, I hope this post encourages you. You WILL heal, so please don't give up. I'm sending my love your way! <3