Week 13- End of Month 3!!!!

Ok so tomorrow ends month 3!!! I can't believe it.  However, I haven't really been feeling much better.  It's really frustrating because just a few weeks ago, I finally thought I was getting better, but now I feel as bad as I did month 2. There is slightly less ooze than month 2, but there's still a lot. My face has been feeling horrible. It's bright red and oozing. It's also the most sensitive part of my body right now. Anything I use makes it turn red and irritated.  I'm using coconut oil for it because it's the only thing that doesn't make my face sting, but I still get a bad reaction to it.

On Tuesday I turned 17. I tried my best to enjoy my birthday, but I still continued to think "if only I didn't have to go through this, my day would've been perfect." My friends and family tried their best to make this day special for me, and I thank them so much. 

School has been so tough for me. I can't concentrate in class and I am missing so much homework since I am so preoccupied in my skin. My mom and I decided to set up an appointment with my guidance counselor on Wednesday to talk about what should I do about school. I can't wait because honestly, I'm completely fed up with everything. I know that if this keeps up, my grades are going to drop by a lot. I used to be a 90+ student, but the way things are looking now, I'd be lucky to get an 80 on my report card. Ugh. 

Weeks 11 + 12- Oh, the stress~

These past two weeks have just completely tired me out.  I've never been so stressed! I started school on Monday two weeks ago, and let me just say, things were definitely harder than I had expected.  

All day for the whole week, I was faced with people asking me a whole bunch of questions and comments. 

What happened? Are you okay? Your face is so red! Are you sick? It looks like you got sunburnt! I'm serious, it's really red, Do you want to look in my mirror? Is  it contagious?

Almost every single person I talked to had something to say about my skin. Ifnot, they were probably just being polite. Weird thing is, for once in the past few weeks, my skin actually felt a whole lot better.  When I saw myself in the mirror, I thought I looked a whole lot better too. I just couldn't believe it was so noticeable.  Back when I had regular eczema, I hardly ever got questioned. 

Somehow I lasted the whole week of school, but I really hated it. I have never been so unconfortable.

And then week 12 came. I thought I was finally improving and then, bam! As soon as I got my time of the month, I got myself into a horrible flare! My face was red, irritated, and cracked.  It was oozing a whole lot, and so were my legs.  The back of my knees were still weeping a lot, and so was one of my calves and my feet. I could hardly even walk. It was so painful. I stayed home from school from Tuesday till the whole week!

I feel so guilty for missing four days of school when it just started two weeks ago! I usually miss four days of school for the whole entire year! I'm scared that I missed out on a lot. I don't want my grade to drop. All of this is just stressing me out, and I can't find a way to relax myself.  

Today it's Sunday and I still feel icky. I really have no choice but to go to school tomorrow. My birthday is on Tuesday, and it definitely doesn't feel like it. I don't eat my birthday to come so soon! Why can't it wait until I get a little better? I want to at least look and feel a little decent on my birthday.  

Well here's some pics...

Here's my face when I woke up one morning.  Sorry if I scare you guys. This was from one of the days i stayed home from school.  

Hmm....... On the bright side.....

I think my stomach looks pretty good! My back is pretty good too! Unfortunately, this is the only picture I have of my stomach, but I really did improve so much!!!!! Starting around the middle of July, my stomach and back were so dry and flaky and so much skin would fall off.  It was so painful and I could hardly get up in the morning. It would hurt to bend my back in any way.  I remember I would be in so much pain when I bent down to pick up something. Now, I'd like to say that my stomach and back is almost, if not, completely healed. It's just a bit dry and discolored, and that's about it.  

I try to look at my stomach everyday and tell myself that this is proof that I am healing. The rest of my body might look like a complete mess, but I will get better. 

Week 10 Back to School!

So tomorrow I start school.  I a bit scared with how this is going to turn out.  This is the first time in going to be out of my house for so long in one day.  Classes begin at 7:40 and don't end till 4:00!! Not to mention, commuting round trip is about two hours or so. So I will be out of the house for about 11 hours a day! I don't know if my body can handle all that. The AC in the trains and classrooms  dry out my skin so much and it's very painful.

I hope people aren't too surprised with my appearance. A lot of them haven't see me the whole summer, I hope it isn't a shock. 

My arms actually look pretty good though.  

My legs... There's still a lot of weeping and its still a bit swollen. They might look bad, but I have to be honest, it doesn't feel that bad.  

My face and neck. Probably the only parts of my body that are actually painful and annoying at the moment. My face doesn't look bad at all in the picture, but that's probably the lighting. The dryness and the peeling hurts a lot. I do think my eyelids look a lot better though. As for my neck... It's probably just as painful as it looks. There's a lot of oozing and it's hard to turn around.  

Buuuuut, I am feeling somewhat positive right now because of the improvement! I am nowhere as miserable as I was a few weeks ago! Now if only I could stop caring about what people in school will think of me.... That would probably take off so much stress. I guess TSW will help me realize that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!!!!! Right now I'm not 100% at that stage of thinking, but I think I'm getting there.