11.5 months!

Wow, to think I'll soon be hitting the one year mark. To be honest, I thought I'd be much more excited, but unfortunately not much has changed. Yes, things are waaaaay better than my first few months of tsw, but right now I feel as if I haven't been making any progress at all. In fact, my skin is doing worse now than it was in the winter.  The ooze has returned on my hands and legs, and occasionally on my eyelids and chest after I go out somewhere.  

I notice that every time I leave the house, my skin gets worse, even if I'm only gone for less than a couple of hours. I decided to take my nephew to the park a couple weeks ago, thinking it would be a good idea to get some fresh air, but that didn't turn out so well. Seems like each time this happens, I end up lying in my bed for like, a whole week until my skin starts to clear up and I feel better again.  Ughhhh it's so frustrating.  I don't know what's best for me anymore. I keep thinking of all the time I'm wasting doing nothing, and so naturally, I decide to push myself a bit, and then end up regretting it.

There are times I wish that I had either waited to do tsw or had started earlier. I constantly think of how I should have been graduating high school with my friends, going to prom, having my photo in the yearbook, and just overall enjoying my senior year of high school. My dreams of getting into a good college is what had motivated me into doing my best all my high school years. Because of this determination, I was the goody two shoes who did all her work and always came home before 5 on school days.  Sure, I understand that I only need to wait one extra year, no big deal.  But what hurts the most is seeing your classmates who have drastically changed over the past year while you haven't changed at all (in fact, it feels more as if you've sunken down to the bottom of nowhere). That guy who would always cut class and never do his work? In just this one year he got his act together and is going away to college. That friend who'd always ask you to tag along to some party and stay out with her past midnight? She's now an A+ student. That girl who would always smoke weed in the girls bathroom? She's cooperating with the teachers so she'll be able to graduate this year. It really hurts that I've tried so hard, yet all I can do is wait while everyone else moves forward.

I guess this has all made me realize not to take things for granted. When I think like this, I feel as if tsw is making me a stronger person day by day. Now I feel as if I know how truly amazing it is to live.  

Sorry for rambling, I know I tend to get off topic and talk of things unrelated to tsw.  Maybe I should just learn to enjoy this challenge and focus more on what I can get out of this experience. (I know I say all this sappy stuff, but in all honesty my attitude is terrible and I'm nothing but an emotional wreck!) 

I hope you guys can all somewhat try to enjoy the rest of your day, and then hopefully the next day and the next! 

The start of another flare

Just when I thought everything was going so perfect... My skin has been clearing up and my main problem areas were just my wrists and feet. The rest of my skin had just been dry, but not so much of a problem.  

Well recently I've been going out more. Finally meeting up with my friends and taking long walks and stuff. Today I went to a little cherry blossom festival so I was out in the sun all day (could this be the cause or am I going to have another major flare??). When I got back home my eyes were feeling a little swollen and I had an itchy patch of skin on my chest. I went to sleep and when I woke up in the middle of the night and my eyelids and chest were oozing.  This came out to be a big shock for me. Its been months since my skin last oozed. Not to mention, I had thought that my eyelids and chest had returned to completely normal skin. But well, I guess not!

I know it's been a long time since I last posted, and I was planning on posting good news of how much I improved, but that'll have to wait for another time. I wish I had better news, but this is tsw we're talking about, right? It sure feels like tsw is some sort of tease who gives you signs of hope, then completely turns you down, haha. What a relationship I've had this past year <3 

It'll be 10 months in a few days, hope this post didn't discourage anyone. If things get worse, I'll update you guys. Wish I could be a little bit more positive about this, but I'm still in a bit of a shock. For now I guess I'll just say, happiness is just around the corner. Keep fighting guys!

Quick update

I apologize for not updating in a while. I've been really busy with trying to keep up with all the school work I have missed. When I get the time to, I'll tell you guys what has been going on with my skin and all. For now (by the way, I just started month 8!!), I'll just say that it seems to be somewhat flaring? I'm not exactly sure if you'd all this a flare or not, but it's very mild. It's been like this for a while, but nothing serious. I've been really itchy and I have rashes on my arms, hands and legs, but it's nothing painful and there's no more oozing (YAY!!) My skin seems to be healing very slowly. It feels like it's not healing at all, but I guess I'll just have to wait patiently.

I know this was a very short update, but I just wanted to let you guys know I haven't forgotten about this blog and that I will come back to write more, I'm just not sure when. My prayers go out to everyone out there who is going through the hell of tsw. Just know that you're not alone and you will get better. In fact, once this is all over, you'll become an even stronger person than you were before.

Week 28

So it's kinda late, but here's my first post of the New Year! I've completed 6 months!!! Half a year!!!!!  I've been feeling pretty good lately. Nothing new has really been happening. My hands and feet have just been healing slowly as usual. My arms are a bit rashy, but it hasn't been a problem for me. Things have just been rather calm, no flaring. It would be nice if it continues like this. In fact I believe there's a possibility that it might. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I do believe my skin might actually clear up within a few months, and there's a chance I might be healed. Who knows. 

I've been feeling really tired though. I pretty much sleep for over half of the day, leaving me very little time to study and complete my courses. Hopefully all this sleep has been helping me speed up the healing :)

And the sweat. Oh gosh, I sweat like crazy. It's been so cold in New York, yet somehow I manage to wake up with my whole body covered in sweat. I don't even know how this happens. I've been using a homemade deoderant, and it's been working pretty good. I got the recipe from Wellness Mama. She had lots of great ideas and recipes. Great for people like us who are skeptical of using certain store products. I know I sure am. It's surprising when you learn about all the harmful thing we put in our bodies. 

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention! Although my face is clear, it is definitely not 100% healed yet. I decided to put on a simple facial moisturizer on my face one day and the next day I had a rash on it with some skin flaking off. So I still can't really put anything on my face yet since it's still so sensitive. All I've been doing now is just washing my face with water. I don't know what to do because now I'm actually starting to get pimples. For now I guess I'll continue to leave it alone with just water, but next month I'll try experimenting with stuff. Maybe try making a homemade cleanser or something.

Talk to you later, guys! I have pics I'll be posting soon!

Week 25

Hey guys! How has everyone been? I've been feeling pretty good! My skin is continuing to improve each day and I haven't been flaring as much. Right now, the only problem areas are my hands and feet.  Other than that, my skin is just dry and sheds a lot, but that's ok! I just feel really great!

My face is oily. Yes, oily. I can't believe it!!! Before TSW, my face was always dry, no matter what kind of moisturizer I'd put on it. The only time it'd ever be oily is possibly in the summer, but very little. The skin on my face feels so normal now! I think the reason why it healed so quickly was simply because I didn't wash my face for like, two months. Not even with water. I know, it sounds gross, but I think it helped! When my face was oozing, I just couldn't stand putting anything on it, so I just completely left it alone.

Also, something else I must say is that this past week, I've been taking baths only once every three days!!! I remember when I used to take baths twice a day! Hopefully from here, I can keep reducing the amount of time I spend bathing because that's what's probably setting me back. I can spend up to five hours in the bath and I know that's not good! But whenever I am in the bath, my skin just feels so normal because I can move around so freely.

Well... Christmas and New Year's is coming up soon! I know it's going to be hard for a lot of us to enjoy it, but let's just all do our best!

This was a pretty tough year for me, but my mom keeps telling me lots of good things are waiting ahead of me next year. I do hope she's right!

Week 21

Week 21... Wow, I have been feeling pretty good.  I've still been experiencing a lot of the same symptoms, but it is just MUCH less severe than before. 

-Oozing

I've only been experiencing this in a few spots like my hands, parts of my face, nipples, and ears. Wow, that's so much better than my full body ooze a few months ago.  

-Smell

I still smell pretty bad, but I think it's only on certain parts of my body.  My hand usually smell horrible in the morning when I wake up. Probably from the ooze.   

-Itching

Still very intense, but my scratching hasn't been too damaging like before

Redness

-Red from time to time, but it has calmed down a lot. My face no longer looks like a tomato 

-Dryness 

Still dry and painful at times, but I no longer feel like I am being tortured lol

-Weight Loss

Not losing as much weight as before... Kinda disappointed about that. 

So here are some pics! My feet are probably what looks the worst right now. Other than that, I think I'm looking pretty good.

What an improvement, right? Starting month 6 in a few days!!!

Finally Going Outside

I've been outside three days in one week! What a huge improvement! Since October, I've been all cooped up in the house because of the pain.  It's not only until recently that I started going out once a week to go to therapy, but it wasn't that much of a hassle. All I had to do was get into the car and my dad would drive me. Then I'd just go see my psychiatrist for 45 minutes and go back home.  

But now I'm starting to do more! I went out for a walk and shopped for groceries with my mom.  It doesn't sound like a lot, but boy, that's so much more than just sitting in the house all day! I'd say just about a month ago, I was stuck on the couch all day and couldn't even get up unless it was to eat or take a bath, and that was it.  

I gotta say though, even just going out for an hour can make me feel so exhausted. Once I get home, I lay down and end up not getting back up for the rest of the day.  It really uses up a lot of energy. So going out for more than 3-4 hours is kind of a no no for me right now. 

But hey! Soon enough I'll get better enough to go out everyday again! I can't wait for that to happen. There's so much I want to do! I've already written a huge list. 

I'm gunna upload some more pictures soon. Maybe in a couple days. Let's just say there's a lot of improvement. ;)